The last 20 pounds are the hardest. not because I have to do anything different, but because outside influences say I look good, even question why I would want to keep going. It makes slipping into unhealthy ways of being and eating easy and very temping.
I extend an apology to every skinny girl out there who I ever encouraged to take another donut, or some other"treat" from the goodie box in the break room, telling her she needed it, or saying one more won't hurt you, because the truth of the matter is it will.
It is also at this point that people no longer want to hear the story. The celebrations are fewer and farther between. They are still supportive but the Response changes, from you can do it, you're on the right track, keep it up! To you've done it, look how far you've come, give yourself a break. I gave myself a break and had a breakdown. That is where this is coming from. The past 3 days have been a continual spiral downward. Fueled by whatever I wanted, and somethings I truly didn't want, sugar, white flour, fat, simple carbs. I was Trying to feel full. My tank has hit empty, and the worst part about it is that for 3 days I haven't been satisfied. I'm never full, even though I've got pain in my belly that says I'm overly full.
Recommitting in this moment looks like finding the reason for the void, and filling it to over flowing with love and gratitude. The brownies are gone, the cookies, and the donuts are too. Time to peel back another layer, dig a little deeper, and create something bigger.
