I'm in the midst of my 2nd of 40 graveyard shifts over the course of the next 8 weeks. It's Christmas Night. There have been treats here in dispatch for weeks, and I've resisted most of them.
Last night, and tonight much the same, as my co-workers leave and I find myself here alone, I hear those chocolate covered goodies, those cookies, even the pistachio nuts calling to me. There's no one here to talk to. There's no one on facebook, and very few new tweets. The television is full of infomercials. Boredom sets in, and still the calling from the sugar. I gave in. Tonight to the tune of 215 calories worth of chocolate, and another 30 calories in nuts. I could feel myself on the verge of spiraling into chocolate covered oblivion, and clawed my way back from the edge. I packed it all up. The mixed chocolates, the homemade treats, the white chocolate covered pretzels, the cookies, everything out of dispatch. Out of eyesight. I can now only barely hear them calling me from the other room. However, since I'm paid to sit here waiting for the phone to ring, it would be an occupational hazard to be in the other room rummaging through a myriad of things my body neither wants nor needs.
My alone times are the worst. The only person I'm accountable to is me (OK, that's the only person I'm accountable to anyway) but when I'm alone, no one else can see what goes into my mouth. Considering I'm going to be alone for a minimum of 4 hours each night at work, I must get on top of this issue ASAP. I'm open to suggestions here. I'm sure this is one of the universes best ways to get me to take a look at a core issue. The fear of being alone. Also, along those same lines, how it is that I have used food as a surrogate for companionship. Ugh.
What will get me through tonight? Writing this blog. Focusing on this beautiful purple and cream colored sweater set I'm wearing. Size Large. Not XXXL, XXL, or even XL. Nope. Just L. Pretty sure that 7 months ago I could not have gotten a single arm into this sweater. Tonight, I'm rocking it. The bling-ed out belt my parents gave me for Christmas. The one I looked at in disbelief, not thinking I'd get it around my midsection, only to find out the third hole is the most comfortable, not the very last possible one. I'll focus on these things. I'll transfer my "must have in there" purse items into my new purse. Maybe I'll break out the stability ball again tonight and work my core. *I'm sooo glad there aren't cameras to catch me on the floor contorting my body around this gigantic ball.* I'll look for articles on nutrition, and nutrition coaching, and try to find some information on hosting a 5k run.
Speaking of running. I've committed to the Bryce Canyon 1/2 marathon. It's some time in June. I'm excited to get back to training. I miss running. On the topic of hosting a run, things are still in the works. When I have details I'll post them. It'll be awesome if we can pull it off, and the proceeds will go to a very worthy charity.
With that I'll be done writing for the night. Here's to you and yours. Wishing that your Christmas was all that you wanted it to be. Sending you all the love you can handle.
xoxo,
Alisha
