So it's the time of the year when I start making ooey gooey treats to give away. I've been at it for a couple of weeks now. Mom and I are doing a holiday boutique this weekend, and selling some of our home made goodies. I'm crossing my fingers that they sell, as Christmas $$ would be nice. I can't help but feel a little hypocritical though. Here I am making things that I myself am trying very hard not to put in my mouth.
That's not to say that caramels, fudge, rocky road, chocolate peppermint bark (I could go on) doesn't make it into my mouth, because it does. I'm relieved that it's not in the quantities that it would have been a year ago. Still feel a little remorse at eating it. I'm SOOO close to a major mile stone, and I've been stuck here for 2 weeks. Coincidence? I don't think so.
I weigh 180 pounds. I have been holding here for two weeks. 5 pounds from this mark will be... come on... do the math... yes, yes, 175 pounds. More importantly than that is that 175 means 100 pounds GONE since I committed to this journey. I want it! NOW!
Unfortunately, I haven't been working out like I ought to, and I've been eating sugar (as a result of tasting the home-made-ness to make sure it's good). What has this created? I feel TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL. My emotions are all whacked, my gut is turning (tmi moment, sugar gives me gas, weird, I know). The boutique is this weekend, as soon as all the preparations are done I'm hitting the treadmill, or the eliptical. I can't hardly wait.
On to honesty. I keep track of my calories at http://www.fatsecret.com/. I can't tell you how much I love this site. I enter my own recipes. So, even my grandmothers secret recipe for melt in your mouth caramels is now broken down into serving sizes and calorie counts. It would be SO easy not to record what I'm eating, all the little incidentals that go into my mouth as the day goes on. I could justify it. Especially since I really don't believe anyone but me looks at my food journal. But what would that accomplish? I'd be lying. Lying to myself. Guess what? Lying to myself is what got me to the 275 pound mark in the first place. So, if I have a day that I eat 2600 calories (Thanksgiving) I record it. All of it. Judging it, or hiding it has no merit. It is what it is.
I chose to be public with my journey mostly to keep myself on track. I knew that if others were watching my progress I wouldn't want to disappoint. I also chose to do this all my way. I found a little over a year ago that I have major control issues (whodathunk?) and I'd been giving my control away to anyone and everyone who would take it. Counting calories, exercising, and doing it all on my own terms has been empowering. I found that I had almost all the tools I needed to start already, so I just pieced things together, rather than follow Jenny Craig, or Weight Watchers, or even The Biggest Loser (which I still love and wish Jillian could come and kick my ass every once in a while).
I feel as though I'm at a junction, and it's time to make some other commitment. I get to step up my fitness routine (obviously) and start working on my core. I'm looking at a half marathon in July in Bryce Canyon. My Sister-in-law may run it with me. It's time to LIVE.
On a non-weight related issue, the holidays have me stressed out. I feel like I do a pretty good job taking care of my kids, and they dont go without much. There's nothing like an 8 year old girls Christmas wish list to put all that in perspective. So... Come to the boutique, buy some of my goodies, so my pricess can have a couple of things on her list. :)
Thanks for reading, Much LOVE,
Alisha
No comments:
Post a Comment