January 1, 2010. I've decided not to make any resolutions this year, because in some way making a resolution seems to be giving myself a way out of whatever it is that deserves to be corrected, and or, that I desire to change about the coming year. After all, resolutions are ment to be broken, aren't they?
So instead I've decided to start by just being straighforward and honest. I'm 36 years old, I live alone with my two beautiful children, my house is perpetually messy, I don't necessarily think it's dirty, but cluttered and unkept is probably a lot more accurate. My children for the most part know that they are loved.
I'm obese. Yup, I'm a fatty. I currently weigh a whopping 275 pounds. This is nearly the biggest I've ever been, though once I get this big what's another 13 pounds right? So this is the big thing that I want to let go of in the next year. It may prove to be difficult, as I love food. And, on that same note, food, apparently loves me. It sticks to me everywhere. Actually, I've come to think of food as a lover that never leaves. It's there when I'm in a mood, whatever mood that may be. It's there when I'm bored. It's there when I'm anxious, nervous or tired. I'm kind of an addictive personality, and well, my vice at this point is food. So, I'm going to work on letting go of my lover that never leaves. Not that I'm giving up food, just that I'm giving up being fat. I'm turning it over to the universe to better serve someone who could use a little fat on their bones. How am I going to do this? I'm not sure of the method, but I'm committing now to get it done. I've copied the Couch to 5K running plan, and I'd like to get started on that soon. I'm participating in a healthy lifestyle "contest" of sorts through my employer. I've contemplated auditioning to be on "The Biggest Loser."
SO... I'm going to take my first step and start drinking water. I've cat about 40 ounces today, and one can of Pepsi *my ultimate drink of choice. I'm not ready to give it back up, so I'm not going to make myself. I'm just going to start drinking water, and work from there.
I'll keep track of my progress here. I'm going to make myself accountable to me, and to whomever decides to read this. Admitting just how much I weigh is a huge risk for me and I'm putting it out there that I find supporters who will cheer me on, but not judge me as I stumble through this.
Thanks for reading.
Alisha,
ReplyDeleteA year ago, I weighed 339 lbs. I spent Christmas and New Years with my parents in Arizona, eating all that was in sight. My kids wanted me to play WII with them... only to my surprise, I was told by the creators of WII fit, that I was too fat for the balance board. I found myself out of breath when tying my shoes, getting dressed or anything else that required movement. I had lost 90lbs before only to gain it back in less than a year. I was so bummed, my kids were growing up with a dad that couldn't do anything. I convinced myself that I was going to do something about it when we got home. I got on the recumbent bike we had purchased and used as a clothes rack, only to find I couldn't peddle the damn thing a mile. I nearly died... I stuck with it, I peddled everyday.. Worked myself up to 14 miles. I started riding a real bike, only to find that men aren't made for those seats... After the pain subsided, I worked myself up to a 30+ mile bike ride. I started running, doing 2-3 miles .....after a $400 pair of shoes... I have lost 110lbs.. Christmas came and all has stopped... so I am back at it again. My cousin is a long distance runner, he posted on facebook that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels...... bullshit.. let me give you the list, I have an assortment of items that fulfill that bill. After all this I have figured out a few things... You need support.. Keri has been a great support to me and I try to be a great support to her. You need to know what you are eating.. We like fitday on the web.. It is awsome. Learn to do it and stick to it. Last but by far not the least.. movement is critical. If I don't exercise, nothin is gonna happin. Best of luck to you..